It’s been difficult to process everything that has been going on in this country. The pandemic obviously has changed the way most of us live our every day lives, but it hasn’t been the only thing disrupting it. Last year was full of insanity I never thought I’d see in my lifetime, but there was something that wasn’t entirely new to me: racism against Asian Americans.

We definitely went through heightened racial divide with the Black Lives Matter protests and I can say my heart was broken for our Black communities. I am not about to get into politics at all, because I am not an expert and I just don’t have the emotional strength to get into that conversation right now. But I am no stranger to the experience of racism.

I am half Korean and half white (European mix), and have lived in a sort of limbo my whole life. Not white enough. Not Korean enough. Being outcasted by both sides, basically, until around high school and even then it’s not like things were suddenly amazing. Just better. Slightly. As an adult it became a little bit easier to dodge circumstances where I was on the receiving end of hate and stereotyping, by surrounding myself with truly good people. But I was faced with the cruel and harsh reality that I couldn’t protect my kids from it when the neighborhood kids – kids my kids considered friends – told my children they couldn’t play with them, because “No Chinese allowed.” I didn’t even find out about it until we were in the car on our way to Target and it felt like a lump of hot lead dropped in my stomach. My kids didn’t understand what the other kids meant by that, and had responded “But we’re not Chinese, we’re Korean” to which the kids said “well, then no Koreans allowed.” The message was a clear “you are not welcome” and I had the task of talking to my kids about racism, building up the courage to knock on the doors of my neighbors and confront it, to advocate for my kids while trying not to cry right there on their doorsteps. Unfortunately, this is something I have to do for the rest of my life. Something my kids will have to do for the rest of their lives. It’s not a conversation or an experience we get to opt out of.

At the very start of the pandemic, my youngest son was sick with croup and a double ear infection and I was taking him in to the doctor. We got on an empty elevator, but I could hear rushed footsteps behind me, trying to catch up, so I held the door open for them. The person looked at my face and their smile dropped and they put up their hand and said “Nah, I’ll just wait.” Even though I have experienced so many racist and vile things in my life, this particular moment hurt. Bad. It scared me, honestly. It brought back the all-too-familiar feelings of being unwelcome in my own town, but at a level I wasn’t expecting to have to live through again as an adult. We’re supposed to grow, right? Things are supposed to change for the better, aren’t they? I was reminded that is not the case and could feel things were going to get bad. And they have.

Between March of 2020 and February of 2021, there have been 3,795 reports of hate crimes against Asian Americans – an increase of 150% – and those reports only make up a fraction of the actual number of incidents that actually occur. Innocent people being physically assaulted in public places, spat on, verbally abused, and blamed for the pandemic just for looking a certain way.

Many of my non-Asian friends were admittedly unaware of what was going on, and some were willfully ignorant, messaging me to say “racism? what racism? who’s hating on Asians??” It only takes a quick Google search to find article after article of elderly Asians being beaten in the streets, of Asian Americans being spat on and harassed in public places and on social media, of even violence where young children were included on the receiving end of the hate. These hyperlinks will take you directly to some articles. If you open your eyes and actually look at what is going around you, you will see it.

Asian Americans are referred to as the “model minority,” expected to keep quiet and not to make waves, but we need to speak up and advocate for ourselves and our children, our families, our friends. We have become invisible when it comes to matters of race. We need to say something, do something – we shouldn’t just sit back and take it and process it in silence. Everything is a joke at our our expense and people like to say Asian stereotypes are too “complimentary” to be racist, because they will not acknowledge the pain and consequences of these “jokes” and stereotypes. Your words, your “jokes,” and your actions have real life consequences, whether or not you have seen them yourself.

Whether or not you have Asian American friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances… be aware of what is going on in your communities. Do something to help, be present and supportive, rethink the jokes and comments you make, reevaluate why hearing non-English languages make you uncomfortable – not just for the Asian American community, but for all our different diverse communities, because no one deserves to feel unsafe in their own neighborhoods or to be judged unfairly by their skin color or spoken languages. It’s one thing to not be racist, and another to be anti-racism.

I encourage you to donate to non-profits like Stop AAPI Hate, which tracks incidents of hate and discrimination against Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders in the United States. Right now, there are t-shirts, tanks, and hoodies branded with the #StopAsianHate hashtag in the Aerilyn Books online store and 100% of the proceeds from those sales are donated to Stop AAPI Hate. In less than 24 hours, we were able to donate $100 – THANK YOU! Please keep it going, or skip the apparel and donate directly on the Stop AAPI Hate website.

Please, hear us. Be there for us. Be the change. Make the difference. Stop the hate. #StopAsianHate